In today’s standards, family is a concept that starts with the marriage of a woman and a man in our country. In good times, in bad times, in sickness and in health; It begins with them joining their lives faithfully to each other until death separates them. Of course, they meet before that and get to know each other. Also, human nature makes mistakes. And again, man is a social being. This sociability brings with it rules. The individual does not always follow these rules. The scammers and thieves we see in the news; Those who spread from ear to ear or cheat on their spouse or lover, which we see with our eyes, are an example of this. All of this is cheating.
So why do people cheat or be deceived?
Many researches have been done on this subject. In a study, a higher correct answer rate was found when they were told that they would receive a reward if they answered the questions correctly. And in this case, it has been seen that cheating rates decrease. The study in social psychology shows that the factor of cheating is affected by being aware of cheating and what other individuals do in the situation. Well ; It has been seen that cheating is an option and/or the cheating factor may increase if the applicability of this option is approved. Another study shows that the thought that personal behaviors are affected by a factor other than the individual is a factor that increases cheating. A method can be chosen to remind the individual who has such a belief about his sense of individual responsibility and to explain how this situation can affect his own life and the life of the other party in case of cheating behavior. In addition to this situation, there are also studies showing that people who are afraid of being deceived want to be deceived. In these studies, it is stated that a person who is afraid of being cheated on, does not let himself go to the relationship because he is afraid of being tied up and abandoned, and thus alienates his partner; We observe that it sabotages the relationship and invites cheating as a result.
What would you say if I said that the value that a person gives to himself affects deception?
As I have told my clients, why should others value you when you do not value yourself? Of course, the matter is not that simple. Someone with self-confidence and/or feelings of inadequacy often compares themselves to others. Unfortunately, they often do this in ways they think are inadequate and/or bad. And again, the individual who experiences the feeling of inadequacy pays attention to the harmony between his own characteristics and identity and the society. They aim to be an individual that society will fully approve and appreciate. Because; In this case, they provide a better place in the society, naturally the welfare level of the life they live in will be higher. In this case, the easiest remedy for the individual seeking a remedy is to experience that others are not good and/or to highlight those who are worse off than himself. In this way, he implies that the mistakes they have made or the shortcomings they have are not theirs.
The type of relationship that is appreciated and approved by today’s standards is “monogamous, long-lasting and loyal to each other”. Because a person who has short-term relationships and is not loyal to his spouse is a danger to other relationships, such individuals are seen as “bad” people. For this reason, it is tried to comply with social expectations by creating pressure with methods such as condemnation and embarrassment. But many people have significant barriers to being able to love, fall in love, and establish long-term relationships. So why can’t everyone love and fall in love? There are various reasons for not being able to have a long-term, close and intense love affair.
Someone who is afraid of being abandoned or not loved enough cannot fall in love. Because; In this situation, the individual does not leave himself in the arms of love because he is afraid that he will be easily given up when a better person comes out and he always acts cautiously. In addition, they come to the conclusion that they are not loved even by small things.
Someone with a strong need for admiration and admiration will also find it difficult to develop admiration and love. This is like a very thirsty person having trouble sharing their water. He finds it difficult to show admiration and interest in others because of his own needs. In addition, people who do not trust others and are afraid of being a prisoner of their feelings may alienate their partners because they cannot fully surrender themselves to the relationship or because they have a limited and controlled relationship, and they will not be able to achieve the necessary satisfaction.
Individuals who are selfish, have limited empathy, or are not very compassionate and conscientious cannot truly love. These types of people are generally unloved people who have been exposed to violence and/or abuse in their childhood. Due to these situations, they prioritize their own needs in the relationships they have established. They are not interested in the feelings and needs of the other party, they do not empathize.
To betray; It can be defined as the disappearance of loyalty towards the partner during the relationship, exhibiting a behavior that will undermine the trust of the partner and endanger the relationship and / or hiding this situation. In this and similar situation, when you want to save your relationship, we are at your side with both individual therapies and family counseling services.