A Letter to My Comrade Cigarette

Smoking is enjoyable, cigarette gives joy and happiness, cigarette is always with us. Personally, I first hit puberty with him, and he is perhaps my most important and only witness in those moments. I hid my privacy with him first, laughed with him, saddened with him. After my first sex experience, I shared the happiness and excitement with him. He was with me the first time I got bad grades in classes, the first time I got drunk, the first time I lost my loved one. The cigarette was always ready and ubiquitous, burning softly and listening to us.

I would buy 20 happiness bars for three to five liras, in spite of those who say “Happiness cannot be bought with money”. These twenty cigarettes would have sacrificed himself to make me happy. He was always on fire to make me happy with great sincerity, and I never saw him complain even once because of it. Although at first it left a poison-like taste on my tongue, and then my throat complaints that started with coughs continued, even though my head smelled bad every day, he got used to it and now I was used to accepting and loving him that way. Who is square? How many bad sides does even my wife have?
What is man not used to? The only living thing that can adapt to any environment is human. I understood this very well: In order to get something we want, we need to know how to give up and sacrifice a lot of what we have. In other words, there is no such thing as having pies, muffins, sweets, fried foods and staying slim and fit. The cigarette never showed me his nasty cancerous face directly, he always wore a mask. I knew how harmful it was scientifically, but that mask made me happy too. Maybe I always had an excuse to smoke it because I didn’t want to see the cigarette without a mask. The slogan of the mask is “smile and draw me in”. Years and years later, the mischief is revealed… People like me have not noticed the true feelings of those who smile at us. We thought the smiley a friend, until we took the skin on us. At that time, neither the skin on us nor the friend in our hearts was left to us.

Over the years, I have always smoked cigarettes. I took the smoke into my lungs. I said one pack a day is not enough, so I increased it to two packs.Because the more I inhale, the happier and more peaceful I would be. 24 years as a smoker I took my calculator with me and calculated how many cigarettes I have smoked so far. First, I multiplied 24 by 12 since there are 12 months in a year, then I multiply the result by 30 because I smoke 30 days of the month, and I multiply the result by 2 because I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, and the result is 17,280 packs. Since there are 20 cigarettes in each pack: It smokes 691,200 cigarettes. If we calculate the days when I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, I have smoked close to one million cigarettes so far. This tiny lung inhaled a million cigarettes. I couldn’t believe myself, I couldn’t believe how I did this to my lungs. This means that I have felt boredom-grief-anger most of the one million times and smoked a cigarette each time to make these troubles go away. Every time, it turns out, I put that problem on the shelf, so I deceived myself. Now, a disease and accumulated troubles like a ball of light in my lap. You know what’s the worst? The years I lost. If I had quit smoking ten years ago, or rather had the courage to face my problems ten years ago, I could be a peaceful, healthy person now.

Where we were? Yes, of course, considering I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, that’s 17,280 packs. But since I smoke more than one pack of cigarettes a day most of the time, it corresponds to 24,000 packs. Of course, that much cigarette comes at a cost. Nobody donates cigarettes to anyone, so I donated money as much as the price of an apartment to cigarette companies. I started to get angry with myself when I learned that I, as a person who works with hard work and sweat, donated an apartment to cigarette companies that I did not know and that over time poisoned me and caused me to become an example of a person dependent on my children. However, in those years when I was smoking, no matter how bad my financial situation deteriorated, we always bonded with him with great longing as soon as he got over the financial crisis. Years passed, I had become best friends with cigarettes and I was sleeping with him and getting up with him. He had become my confidant, my buddy, my lover, my friend. I was very honest with that friendship and I was always loyal to it. There were rare days when I forgot my girlfriend’s birthday or didn’t ask about my children’s health, but I would ask about my cigarette at least 20 times in the morning and in the evening, and I would smoke it. I’ve changed the brand of my cigarette once in 20 years. Believe me, I have never been so honest with the person I married. Okay, I’ve never cheated on my wife either, but I’ve always had my eye on someone. But when it comes to my cigarette and its brand; I haven’t even put it in my hand, let alone put other brands of cigarettes in my mouth. Even though I can buy other cigarettes very easily for three or five cents at every kiosk.

We spent so many years together. I got married, I had children. I’ve had several financial crises I lost loved ones, changed jobs a few times, and we’re past middle age and we’re at this age. Until this age, I have a cigarette and my family stayed with me. I said, years passed, I saw that my coughs increased, my throat was red and my children were grown. My children were also tired of warning their father, that is, me, to “don’t smoke” many times, and they left me to myself. When there was stubbornness in the bar and a lack of will against smoking, the children also stopped muttering. Of course, the children are chirping, I have a son, God forgive him, he is 17 years old and my daughter is 15 years old. They are very energetic.

I remember very well that day, we said we should go to the park as a family and we drove to a beautiful big forest in the middle of Istanbul because we were longing for green. We took our barbecue and ball and started to enjoy the picnic under the trees, accompanied by the fresh breeze. The children said, “Come on, Dad, let’s play dodgeball together.” I said not to offend the children and we started playing. I’m not exaggerating, after three or four minutes I was out of breath, my face was red, and my heart was beating like it was going to explode. I asked permission and started watching them on the sidelines. I am; I am someone who has played football for 3 years in the amateur league. I thought I’d sit in the chair and smoke a cigarette in the fresh air. I was just going to take the cigarette in my hand and light it, and what would I see? Our lady’s father is playing dodgeball with the children. I smiled inside and said, “Daddy, who are you to play ball?” I lit my cigarette and slowly started to smoke it with pleasure. Father-in-law continued to play as I took a deep breath. I continued to smoke and watch them out of anger. For a while my son Mert; When he came to me saying “I’m tired”, my son said; “Dad what did you do?” I was startled by the question. I more; “What happened son, what have I done?” Before I could say anything, he pointed at the cigarette butts in front of me. I counted, I drank exactly 6 of them. If it was 7 or 8 minutes each, father-in-law was playing for 50 minutes on average and I was watching them. If you’re asking about his father-in-law, he is 59 years old and has never smoked. After the game, my father-in-law came to me; When I said “these children have no work, they get tired immediately”, my whole nervous system was broken. Fortunately, I had a cigarette with me so I suppressed my anger without stress.

I realized I was getting old from a gift my life partner received on my birthday two years ago. Mask against snoring. It turned out that I had snoring for years, and this year, since he could not stand it anymore, he received this gift unanimously with the children, for both his own and my own health. Inwardly and even out loud; I reproached him saying, “Come on, I don’t snore, even if I snore, I snore for a minute or two and then I sleep like a baby.” “Am I wrong though? Would a man’s life partner get something like this as a birthday present for a few minutes of snoring?” Before I say it, you take a visual of my three and a half hours of snoring last night on the camera we just bought and show it on my birthday as proof. Well feared! When I watched the video, what kind of snoring is this, my God, even I was surprised. If I were a big political or business man, I would say dubbing, photomontage, but it’s not. Even I could stand this video for 2 minutes and had it turned off immediately. Fortunately, I immediately smoked another cigarette on top of this stress and quickly forgot this incident. Anyway, one of the most important ones occurred in bed that birthday night. While I wanted to be with my wife, she didn’t. I asked, he said he has a headache; I wanted it, he said I don’t want it. Luckily, I was about to have sex with barely persuasion, when my beloved sex organ let me down at the beginning of the road. I don’t know whether to remember my disgrace to my wife or tell my self-confidence. I did not sleep until the morning that day, I went to the doctor, many tests. As a result: It was the result of the damage that the cigarette, which I know as ‘Bro,’ had caused on my body for years. Well, it turns out I’ve had a snake in my bosom for years. You leave me out of breath, make me lose my sexuality, make me snore, and show my willpowerless in front of my children… I said, “No, I can’t handle this much” and I thought about how to quit smoking without sleeping until the morning, I was undecided whether or not to quit. But still, I postponed quitting smoking to give it another chance. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not easy to leave what you’ve been with for years. A person gets sad when he is separated for a few days, even from the cat he has fed for months. Besides, it is very difficult to quit smoking, which has known everything about me for 24 years.

The next day, I was struggling with these thoughts, taking the opportunity to not be busy, I left work early and came home. As soon as I entered the door, I heard the voices of children from the balcony. I wanted to quietly approach the balcony and surprise. Open the balcony door; When I said “Hi guys” and saw my son and daughter smoking cigarettes, it was a blessing. When they see me, they panic and put out the cigarettes; they failed. Just as I was about to shout, I remembered my son and daughter telling me for years, “Daddy, we’re sick of cigarette smoke, please don’t drink, you smell so bad, we want to kiss you but you smell so bad”. And before I could say anything, I left the balcony, humiliated and embarrassed. This incident was now the last straw. I was beginning to think that the next bad news would be when I went to the doctor with a headache and the doctor told me I had throat or lung cancer, which I couldn’t bear. I had so many better days to live. Why did I work all these years? To see my middle age and old age, to travel everywhere and to spend time with my grandchildren. Either I would evaluate these signals and end my relationship with cigarettes; Or I would not have prepared my own end and considered death by torture a surprise. I grabbed the pack of cigarettes and crumpled it with all my might and threw it in the trash. The first hour was very good, but in the following hours, the love for cigarettes was mixed with longing and stressed me out, and a great longing for cigarettes began to appear in me.

What I haven’t tried from that day until that special day. Although I tried all kinds of smoking cessation techniques for exactly 6 months, I could not end our relationship. I recently attended the Smoking Cessation sessions with Hypnosis.

Mr. Therapist He laid me on the red couch and had my eyes closed and took me deep, deep. I was drifting deeper every second, like I was in a wonderland. And he made me experience the same thing I told you about cigarettes from a different point of view, that is, the real side, without a mask. I felt bad when I woke up. Because I realized that the cigarette that I had been smoking for years to overcome my stress actually suppressed my excitement, love, and determination and pacified me. It turns out that cigarettes are not something that gives joy or pleasure; a cruel treacherous who suppresses my joyful days and suppresses my urges to live them. The skullcap fell off and looked bald. Believe me, after a few sessions, I saw his real face more clearly. It’s been 2 years since I broke up with that filthy life partner. It turns out how comfortable life is without it, how pleasant it is to make love, how nice it is to run, how different the taste of food is. How good my skin smells when I wake up in the morning.

I now receive and give more beautiful and fiery gifts on my birthdays.

I wish you to close your eyes to hope, not to life…

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