Today, perhaps one of the most important parts of togetherness is the effort to preserve the freshness of love. When most couples sense a coldness in their relationship, they say, ‘Oh, our relationship is over?’ is concerned. As traditional relationship recovery efforts, we encounter behaviors such as making a marriage decision if they are not married, having children with the thought of bringing excitement to the relationship, and starting to keep pets at home. Contrary to popular belief, such measures cannot be a solution for a healthy relationship. Here are 7 examples of vital behaviors to keep your love alive;
To behave impartially and fairly
Some couples may feel like they are being judged by their partner. Such a feeling will automatically elicit defensive behavior. Along with it, problems such as excessive sensitivity, irritability, introversion, fear of being judged and thinking that you cannot talk about everything will arise. If you want to keep your communication alive, you should avoid judgmental speech, gestures and behaviors.
Concretize the wishes
Couples often complain that they do not receive attention from each other. In order to solve this problem, ‘interest’, which is an abstract and very broad concept, may need to be concretized first. For example; One of the spouses may define attention as the fact that the spouse regularly wonders and seeks him/herself when he/she is not together. The other spouse, who does not know this, buys flowers by considering the attention as buying flowers for him. For this reason, it can be a relationship-saving situation for spouses to define concretely what they mean when they talk about abstract concepts such as ‘interest’, ‘love’, ‘passion’ to each other.
Respect for sensitive points
We are all human and of course we may have points that we are sensitive to and that we do not want to be touched or criticized. We feel very uncomfortable when other people raise or criticize issues that we are not yet ready to share, confront, or resolve. When couples are respectful to each other about their sensitive points and don’t use it as a weapon, they can avoid wearing down their love quickly.
Although the concept of unrequited love is mentioned, this is not exactly true for relationships. One of the situations that keeps love alive is that people can show mutual love and self-sacrifice to each other. Sacrifice doesn’t need to happen for a grand occasion. Small altruistic acts will keep the other side’s excitement warm. Don’t sacrifice yourself for your relationship, sacrifice for the little needs of your loved one.
Being respectful of opinions and giving up trying to change
One of the most common problems couples experience is trying to change the other side without respecting each other’s opinions. Imagine you have a shopping list. In order to buy the ones on the list, you either go to a market with all the products on the list, or you wait for the products that are not in the market you go to, if they bring the products you expect! It’s similar in relationships. Either you find a relationship that suits your wishes and expectations, or you wait for the other person to change to meet your expectations, or you try to change them. The most dangerous of these is the effort to change the person you are in a relationship with. This effort may show that you don’t respect his personality and opinions, and your partner may decide not to share their thoughts with you anymore. For healthy communication and vibrant love, you might consider giving up the effort to change and trying to understand your partner.
Whatever you go through in your relationship, always develop your ability to look at situations from different perspectives before making a definite and final judgment. For example; Your partner may have met a friend that you do not like and you may be having problems because he did not tell you. ‘How can you talk to him when you know I don’t want you to meet him?’ Before you go into his interrogation, you should think about why he is hesitant to tell you about this situation. Is he afraid of you? Is he withdrawing? Does he think you can’t understand? Does he feel misunderstood? Do you realize that you are not flexible? Remember, you are not the judge in your relationships, you are sitting in the defendant’s seat at least as much as your spouse in the problems experienced.
Stop thinking you’ve given your all to the relationship
You know, there is the phrase ‘brooming your hair’ or you have to give up on it for a healthy relationship. If you see yourself as a broom, you must see your spouse as a scumbag, because you are trying to clean up by playing the broom. If we are talking about two people in a relationship, the effort of each individual in this relationship to keep the relationship good can be at most 50 percent. A person can only give 100% for himself, but in a joint life of two, he will be able to give at most half. Whatever you do, don’t act like you’re giving 100 percent to a relationship where you can give 50 percent. Otherwise it means a purely personal effort, not a relationship. You strive 100 percent for an exam you will take, not for your relationship. Otherwise, you can’t stop yourself from feeling like a broomstick.
To be able to train anger, to be able to empathize and to develop these abilities
I mentioned 7 important behaviors, but this last one is perhaps the most important in that it covers all other behaviors. Contrary to popular belief, the concept of empathy is not to put oneself in the other person’s place, but to try to understand what mood the other person is in from their mimics and behaviors. Instead of getting angry at your spouse’s behavior, first try to interpret his gestures and behaviors. Notice how these comments make you feel and share what you find with your partner. Remember, the uncontrolled anger and rage that the other person reveals in us, contrary to popular belief, is not about him, but because it touches the problems that we cannot face ourselves. If your relationship is damaged due to these situations, you can get professional help in this regard. One of the situations that keeps love alive is when couples try to help themselves together or separately.