4 Communication Mistakes That Hurt Relationships

Perhaps one of the most decisive factors affecting the present and future of a relationship is the communication styles within the relationship. The studies of American psychologist and couples therapist John Gottman show that the 4 items mentioned are the key points of relationships.

1) ACCEPTANCE: Situations or certain attitudes of your partner may be bothering you. This is very common, but avoid criticizing your partner’s character. The line between complaining and blaming is really thin and can hurt your partner.

For example, saying “I was worried because you came too late last night without informing. We were going to inform each other” is a complaint. Saying, “You’re so irresponsible, why didn’t you bother to report it?” is an accusation and an open criticism of personality.

2) CONDITION: Contempt is a form of criticism that has gone beyond dimensions. Behaviors that include mocking the partner, speaking disrespectfully and contemptuously, and sometimes even humiliating, sarcasm and using various facial expressions fall under this heading. Such attitudes cause one of the partners to position themselves in a superior place and the other to feel less valuable. Disdain under the 4 headings in this article is the first step to divorce.

3) DEFENSE: It is an understandable stance that is often shown towards criticism that is thought to be unfairly targeted. However, contrary to what is desired, it heats up the discussion and makes it difficult for us to reach a conclusion. Which of us does not suddenly find ourselves on the defensive while arguing? As soon as we realize such moments, we refuse to take responsibility. In the rest, we will be trying to put the blame on our partner. It’s kind of like protecting yourself in a “victim” position.

For example, I can clarify the subject with the following sentence: “If you had cleared the table after dinner, I wouldn’t have been this late either.”

4)WALL KNITTING: It is mostly the attitude shown in the face of condescending attitudes. During the discussion, one of the partners suddenly cuts off communication, does not want to talk, says that he does not want to listen and that we should leave him alone, or even pretends to be busy.

Our biggest share is; if we love the other person as they are, it stays that way. If he is a messy or careless person, let him exist. Let’s not fight him and help him to minimize these movements. This applies not only to men, but also to women. If he is very emotional, very sensitive, only the person who knows him and with whom he has a love bond can minimize it.

Recently, people’s tolerance level for each other has decreased, we say that divorces have increased. If we can tolerate our loved ones and avoid these substances, a happy relationship becomes inevitable.

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