10 Golden Rules for Being Happier in Your Romantic Relationships
Romantic relationships, which have a very important place in people’s lives, are necessary for people, who are social beings, to lead a happy and peaceful life. The ability of people with 2 different cultures and personalities to find common ways of communication, understanding each other, and the satisfaction they perceive from their relationships closely affect both their well-being and their happiness in life.
Over time, the cause of conflicts in the relationship is due to the differences between the partners. Couples who avoid conflict are more unhappy than couples who face conflict, avoiding conflict prevents solving the existing problem, reveals negative emotions such as anger and resentment, and the fact that the spouses do not go to the root of the problems increases misunderstandings and causes the problem to grow.
In today’s world where rapid changes are experienced, living conditions create areas where the structure of relations is difficult to work. According to research, while the problems arising from friends, religion and jealousy decrease over time, conflicts arising from sexuality, communication and entertainment and issues increase in the later stages of the relationship.
In order for the relationship to be healthy, it is important for the individuals to be healthy individually. The variable that actually predicts the continuity and sustainability of relationships is how spouses cope with conflict. If conflicts are handled in a positive and constructive way, relationship stability and satisfaction increase, but if conflict is handled in a negative and destructive way, relationship satisfaction decreases and the life of the relationship is shortened.
As can be seen, if conflict is an inevitable part of both romantic and marital relationships, how individuals deal with this conflict will be important for the continuity of the relationship. Let’s share 10 tips for resolving conflicts in your romantic relationships.
Completing Deficiencies in Communication Skills:
Up to a certain point, conflict supports the adaptation process in the relationship and prevents boredom from the relationship. If the spouses do not get to the root of the problems, misunderstandings will increase and this will cause the problem to grow rather than solve the problem. Not being consistent in conversations, changing the spoken words another day, ignoring the changes in both your partner and the relationship by not being able to look flexibly and not being able to adapt, negative and uncontrolled reactions, not taking a step back when necessary, fighting in an effort to be justified, a sense of humor and a respectful attitude. lack of communication, not respecting the red lines and personal areas, trying to change the person in front of us, bringing even small things into an environment of fight, having adult behavior, not trusting and displaying insecure attitudes, creating a competitive attitude rather than cooperation, using a destructive style. Trying to correct their mistakes is of great importance for the health of relationships.
Open, Constructive, Solution-Oriented Communication: In order to solve the communication problems experienced, it is necessary for the couples to be able to talk about the positive and negative aspects of the faulty aspects in their relationships. The spouses become alienated from each other as a result of not sharing the feelings and problems of the spouses, and trying to understand the other people and events on their own within their own world of meaning. Increasing the problem-solving capacity of both individuals makes the relationship work. Clear, polite and positive results-oriented without mind-reading, steps taken to really solve the problem and happiness of the relationship, not to justify, will ensure that tense moments can be managed professionally.
Sharing Life Truly: When we look at happy relationships, the partners show care and attention to each other, participate in social activities together, and basically get closer to each other in terms of the emotional and physical closeness they give to each other and the values they care about. In difficult life conditions, it will be very valuable for a person to be in solidarity with the partner with whom he/she shares his/her life, to discuss positive/negative events together, to make joint decisions, and to create material and moral support for each other. Short-term steps, in which only happy moments are shared, away from the effort of establishing a deep connection and being whole, will of course be an obstacle to long-term relationships. Achieving common goals for life and the future by creating different experiences, different memories and emotional sharing will also strengthen the bond formed between them.
Receiving Individual and Couple Therapy Support: People need to know themselves first. The person’s understanding of the points that should be lacking or open to development and investing in these issues will also reflect on the relationship with his/her healthy development. For example, an individual who has an anxious or avoidant attachment style, has witnessed stories of cheating or violence in his own family, has experienced traumas, has self-confidence problems, that is, has different pathologies, carries the risk of carrying the reflections of this problem to their private relationships. and emotional health, that is, a healthy relationship can only be formed by the union of 2 healthy people. At this point, it is of great importance for people to get expert support to discover and repair their own deficiencies or areas that need improvement.
Emotional and behavioral problems experienced by couples, if they do not receive any help, affect their life satisfaction as well as their marriage, thus reducing their quality of life. The therapists’ efforts by understanding each person in an objective way, and various techniques and plans they use to maintain a happy and healthy relationship, help individuals to understand each other more accurately, to travel faster with less damage, and to develop by arranging the dynamics of the relationship correctly. .
Not Taking an Aggressive or Passive Aggressive Behavior: When you voice your thoughts by shouting or overreacting, or when you remain silent and do not express yourself clearly, although it is the opposite problem, the other person cannot understand you clearly. Staying silent for a long time, staying away, acting indifferent and refusing to talk both make the other party more angry and delay reaching a solution. It is necessary to get used to talking about your ideas by giving kindly feedback, in the appropriate environment and time, without delaying and ignoring the problems, so that the problems do not accumulate. It will be beneficial to make a habit of acting more calmly and in control, as harsh, aggressive and rude attitudes will negatively affect both the future of the relationship and the feelings and thoughts of the other person about you in the long run.
Avoiding Risky Areas: When there is a problem, threatening to end the relationship and leaving, bringing up old problems aimlessly, including sensitive issues such as the families of the spouses even at points that have no relevance, sentences containing insults to the person, making destructive comments by taking risks on the themes that the other party is fragile, making the relationship more difficult. rather than bringing it to a good point, it leads to wearisome and confidence/hope-destroying results. For this reason, it would be beneficial to avoid contact with critical issues and areas as much as possible and to focus on the core of the problem.
Not Putting the Relationship at the Center of Life: This mistake, which women usually make when the relationship gets serious, can become a problem over time when men continue their friendship and career relationships. However, 2 individuals, as adults, should have different friend groups, career lives, and different social lives. While wanting to do every activity together, not being able to be self-sufficient, not being happy when alone, is an indicator of an underdeveloped self, it can also reduce the life of the relationship and overwhelm the other party. In addition, trying to shape life according to a single person is an important situation that should be questioned in terms of one’s own development, since it also carries signals about a dependent personality structure. Putting a person at the center of your life will cause you to want him to meet your every expectation, decrease your different social supports, not be self-sufficient, and make the relationship poorer in a very narrow area over time.
Not Spending Uncontrolled Time on Social Media:
With the changing world and the increasing use of technology, one of the most negative effects on couples today is that the parties spend too much time in front of the phone and computer. Not being able to take one’s eyes off the phone, even in joint activities, hinders the formation of a deep bond and a real communication between people. Trust relationships damaged by uncontrolled use among unlimited and time-limited resources can make it difficult for people to regain this trust later on.
Identifying Your Priority Values in the Relationship:
Loyalty, family, honesty, jealousy, couples, open communication, altruism, etc. It will be important for the relationship to progress on a healthy path by questioning what many concepts really mean for you and your partner, and deciding together on the values you care about, whether you look at them from the same angle and what common points you can meet. Since looking in the same direction with similar perspectives will expand the comfort zone of the relationship, it will be easier and more enjoyable to provide this communication for both people.
Not Leaving the Care You Show to Your Partner and Your Relationship
By managing different critical situations that occur over time, it is necessary not to reduce the care and effort shown by getting carried away with the flow of life over time, in order to maintain mutual happiness by always giving importance to the best possible development and development of the relationship and the satisfaction of your partner in the relationship in your life. Personal care, the behavioral, mental and spiritual interest we show to our partner at home and abroad, the continuity of the plans for sharing areas, the continuity of quality conversation, sexual contact and subtle communication will act as a shield for long-term relationships.